Are (Sports) Parents Delusional?
You will not believe how many parents think their kid will play in college...
We moved to Los Angeles nearly ten years ago now. When we arrived, our kids were 15, 12 and 9. I didn’t know a soul. So I signed up for the freshmen Mom’s Coffee in hopes of starting to build my network. I knew I was going to need it living in LA traffic commuting to three different schools (with no buses) and ALL the sports and activities.
Little did I know then, but Barbara, the mom I sat next to would become a wonderful friend throughout our son’s time in high school. The boys never became particularly close, but in some ways that was nice because it opened up the aperture of topics we’d discuss other than school or their sports. In fact, to this day, we still hike almost weekly with our dogs.
One of our hikes early on, I remember her honesty. In fact, I brought it up to her recently and she reiterated what she said then.
“ I thought I wanted to have a lot of kids. But we had one and thought this is WAY harder than we thought it would be. We had a second because we knew we wanted more than one, but after that my husband and I looked at each other and said, ‘What have we gotten ourselves into? This is SO much tougher than we thought it was going to be.’”
At the time, I remember her comment made me smile. I always knew I wanted three kids and that number never wavered. And while there were definitely moments of HARD, I never questioned nor regretted (that I recall) becoming parents. I know Barb doesn’t either, but there are definitely parenting moments that just push you to your limit and I loved her honesty.
Since 2010, the Aspen Institute has been funding research to create solutions which help sports serve the public interest. Out of that, the Project Play conference was born. Research is done on what is and isn’t working to help develop create healthy communities through sport and rethink the model from grassroots rec sports through college athletics.
They recently held their annual conference and shared some interesting data about the state of play with some big goals including their mission to get 63% of youth nationally playing sports by 2030. What research shows is that people who play sports up to the age of 23, are more likely to continue to be active adults. And that leads to lifestyles which have less depression, anxiety and more built in coping mechanisms by moving your body and continuing to see sport for both mental and physical well-being.
One of the most alarming, but not surprising data points which came from Project Play 2024, was the parent survey which stated nearly 1 on 4 parents believed that their child would go onto play in college. Like any data, we need to consider a few things beyond just the percentages. First of all, this was a survey of parents whose kids are currently playing sports, not ALL parents. So it’s not unheard of that someone who is watching their 9 yr old excel at baseball and having fun, (with zero understanding of the competitive landscape ahead) could envision them playing into college.
The reality of it is, less than 6% of high school athletes will on to play in college. So why are they playing if it isn’t for the college scholarship? Shameless plug to read my book here, Raising Empowered Athletes
So if most aren’t going to play in college, is this bad, wrong or delusional that a parent has a dream for their child?
The short answer I believe is no.
But, it does come with a caveat. As I spoke a lot about in my book, we need to parent the child we have, not the one we wish we had. So yes, when you see your 9 year old excited about a sport and excelling, it’s not only normal, it’s expected that you have hopes and dreams for them continuing that journey. Where the rubber hits the road is several years later, as the climb to the top of the athletic pyramid gets more narrow.
Where I see parents doing the biggest disservice to their kid is not continuing to allow THEM to drive the process. There are tells for kids who want to play at the next level. In fact, here’s a little promo teaser, I have Raising Athletes Podcast episode in the coming weeks with Stanford Volleyball All-American, Elia Rubin. She is a great example of someone who always really wanted it. Check that episode out when it drops!
Driven Athletes:
They never want to leave the field
They are asking for more practice, more time in the batting cage
They are watching college or pro level players and trying to learn from them
They are looking for hacks, shortcuts and tips to get better
They work just as hard on their mental toolbox as they do their physical one
Essentially, they are driven by their curiosity. And it is their curiosity combined with support from parents and coaches, plus their talent (both innate and learned) combined with their insatiable desire to get better that drives them and allows them to persevere through headwinds.
(Growth Mindset) Curiosity + (Innate and Learned) Talent + (Titanium) Mindset
Keep going parents. Keep supporting your athletes growth and curiosity.
Together, we’ve got this!
Kirsten