Lessons from the (legal) Court
Prospective Juror #50: What I heard in the courthouse hallway that stopped me cold
When the letter from the Superior Court of Los Angeles County arrived several weeks ago, I found my familiar inner monologue starting to play, “Who has time for that?” But I caught myself and realized, “Actually, you do have time in September.” All three kids will be ‘launched’. It is our civic duty to be a positive part of the legal system if we want democracy to remain. So, I grumbled a bit to my inner self, that witch, “Doesn’t she know how busy I am?” while declaring out loud, “It’s the right thing to do.”
Parents, sometimes it’s the little things that we DO, not the things that we SAY which show our kids what we value. I love that Maya Angelou quote, “When someone shows you who they are, believe them.”
Who am I showing my loved ones I AM?
So off I went last Monday morning, to report for duty. Going to downtown LA is something I rarely do. Navigating traffic and parking alone is enough to put you over the edge. But it doesn’t compare to the parallel universe that actually exists. That Law & Order set which you assume is fictional, actually looks just like the real thing.
I was one of 69 prospective jurors assigned to a criminal court. Our names were all read in the waiting room and then were taken to the 11th floor where we waiting to be summoned by the judge. The hallway was stark with wood paneled walls and white cold tile floors. The place where you could tell pay phones used to hang were just cut outs in the wall. There were 5 different court rooms on this one floor, so lawyers, defendants and family were milling about waiting to be called into their respective court rooms.
As prospective jurors for Court 116 we were waiting in the hallway when the court next to ours was let out. Somberly, out came the public defender as well as what I assume were the defendants family.
She stopped just across the hallway from me, speaking in a voice loud enough for everyone around to hear. The young, heavily pregnant, attorney explained to her client’s family, something I'd never heard in person before.
“So, what the judge just explained in there was the fact that your son is being sentenced to 50 years to life. You will never see him on the outside of prison walls again,” she calmly shared, as if she was discussing what the dinner options were on the menu. “We can ask for leniency and hope that the judge will not enforce the full term.”
I had been sitting there quietly thinking about what to make for dinner that night when I felt my stomach drop as I watched as parents saw their worlds change.
We don’t know what the future holds. And while, we hope that will never be us, standing there in a cold courtroom hallway listening to one of our children’s future be altered forever, the three days I spent going to court was a good reminder for me of a few things:
Be Present. I’ve said it a lot here, but I do think it’s very true. Enjoy THIS moment with your child, whatever season they are in. Whether they are starting on the third team or not playing on the first, whether you are traveling to Topeka only to watch them “sit on the bench” or getting to see them hit their first homerun.
Make the most of it as it is all a gift. Maybe they will play through college (or beyond) or maybe they’ll pivot after middle school. But what we want them to remember about their sports experience (as well as their childhood) is that you were happy to be along for the ride. Now, don’t take that to mean you can’t miss a single game or practice. NO. That’s not what I’m saying. Instead, imagine a future when your grown son or daughter is telling you about their childhood sports experience. What do you want them to say?
Model the behavior. They will remember almost none of what we say to them, but they will have movies playing in their heads of how we acted on the sidelines, or in the car ride home, or with the coach after the game. What do you want them to project to their teammates and coaches?
Ask more than you tell. Give them the space and time to share with you what their thoughts are about their practice, or game or tournament. I know the immense pressure a lot of my clients tell me they feel to be at every game. Sometimes it’s good to “miss a game” so that they can re-tell you about the highlights from their perspective. You having another commitment doesn’t make you a bad parent, and if you have more than one child, unless you have a drone to drop them off and pick them up, it will make it almost impossible to be at every sports event.
After hearing jury instructions from the judge that day, we were given a four-page questionnaire to fill out and asked to return the following day to start the voir dire process. Without going into the details of the case, as it is still on going, it was fascinating to sit inside a court room for three days, watch the prosecutor and defendant’s lawyer educate us on what we potentially we’re going to be a part of if we were chosen.
Ultimately, the 12 jurors were selected and sworn in on the third day. I was one of 20 or so left to be interviewed to be one of two alternates, should they need you. The judge asked that each potential juror she questioned be ready to answer questions from the questionnaire, but also be ready to, “Describe yourself in one word.”
This is a fascinating question (Exercise idea: Throw it out there during the next family dinner table conversation and see what person offers). As I pondered my answer, I realized that, if I was trying NOT to get chosen for the jury (because who has two weeks time), that a “positive” answer could actually work against me. On the other hand, a “negative” answer might not be a good look either.
Other jurors offered, “kind”, “caring”, “funny” and “thoughtful”. While the two most original answers I thought were the two on either side of me, Potential Juror #49, Retired Air Force General said, “patriotic”, where everyone in the court oohed and ahhed. And the 6’8” guy on my right, Potential Juror #51 said, “tall”, to which the judge laughed. I went with the most honest yet neutral answer I could summon, “consistent”. That’s what I aspire to be anyway.
Ultimately, I was relieved of duty at the end of day three. My name goes to the bottom of the pile for 12 months and I walked away wondering what will happen to the defendant in this case. This week the check arrived for my three days of service (they only pay you after the first day) for $46.32. But the payoff comes from showing up when called. I modeled the citizen I’d like to be (at least for this week!)
KJ LOVES Collaborating! And this week I’ll be working with Sarah VanLaecken!! Click here for more details:
https://athletesmindsetcoach.com/the-athletic-edge-how-parents-can-fuel-peak-performance
Wanna connect? Contact me here! I am booking for Fall 2024 and Spring 2025 speaking events.
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Let’s do this!
Xxx
Kir
Really enjoyed this!