Poof! And just like that, my youth sports parenting journey is over.
The words still resonate with me all these years later.
We are so grateful for your continued support of our work here at KirstenJonesCoach. If you’re a sports parent or perhaps just trying to do better and be better and are enjoying our content, we’d be so grateful if you would like and share our work. Thank you!
Last weekend was it. The end of an era for me. I just watched my last youth sports event with one of my own kids participating. Nearly two decades on from its inception, I vividly recall watching then five-year-old, Caelan, play spring tee ball in the horizontal sleeting rain in Portland, OR. It ended this past weekend watching our third child, 18-year-old, Kylie, block her last ball in Baltimore, MD, at the USA Volleyball Junior Olympics. It is, no doubt, a nostalgic moment. One that gave me pause to reflect on my own sports journey, the memories I have of the messages my parents gave me when I was graduating high school and it made me want to take a moment to consider the genesis of my own parenting philosophy.
My great grandfather on my father’s side, Thor Skavlem, worked seven days a week at the power company in Grand Forks, North Dakota. Rarely taking a day off, it was said at his retirement after 35 years, you could count on one thing, and that was Thor being on time to shovel coal from 8am to 5pm. He never complained about his work nor looked for handouts to feed his family of seven. Being a Norwegian immigrant, he was determined to provide for his family but didn’t have lofty dreams about who his children might grow to become. He did, however, insist that his two girls get college educations and told his sons to go get jobs and make a life.
His oldest daughter, Matilda, got a degree in chemistry and his second daughter, Gladys, my grandmother, would go on to get a teaching degree, both rare accomplishments in the 1930’s. She got a job teaching which lasted for one year before she married at which point she was forced to quit, as was customary at the time. Married women can’t teach, they must stay home. Good grief, just writing that makes my skin crawl.
My father, Tom, the older of two boys, grew up in 1,000 sq foot house on Walnut Avenue in Grand Forks. His dad, Emil, a Cadillac and Oldsmobile salesman at Wilcox & Malm, had borrowed $4,000 of the $4,400 needed for the purchase their dream home from his boss, Mr. Wilcox.
My dad used to tell the story of his clear recollection of being sent by his mother, with a $1 bill, to go buy bread and milk at the corner store. Being a surly tween, he shoved the bill carelessly into his pocket and raced out the door. When he got to the counter to pay, he couldn’t find the money anywhere. He would later say when retelling the story, “It was one of the lowest moments in my life up until that point, as I had no idea how I would possibly tell my mother I had been so careless and lost it.”
Norwegian values were being kind, honest and hard-working. He was the alter boy in the Lutheran church, a good student who chased his dreams of helping others and became a doctor. My two sisters and I were raised with those same values. Never take when you can give. Don’t look to be the center of attention, just keep your head down, do the work and if you are dedicated and hopefully a bit lucky, things will work out.
My parents had zero expectations that I would play sports at any level. In fact, had you asked them back then I’d put money on the fact they would have much preferred a classical pianist or a ballerina. I took lessons in both and neither held even a smidgeon of joy for me. So they supported my horseback riding, softball, basketball, track, and eventually volleyball journey, but my father always said, “We’ll come to as many games as we can. But if you are playing for me, you can quit. Play because you love it. Play for joy and pride in who you are.”
So, as I hear lots of stories of sadness for this time of year for “lasts”… last tournament, last prom (that’s this weekend), last school fundraiser, last game, like many parents I feel that wave of nostalgia washes over me, but I also hear my father in my head saying, “Don’t play for me. Play for YOU. I’m happy if you’re happy.”
Two of my kids chose to chase college sports dreams- and that is AMAZING. But our daughter, Kylie, has said that this is the end of her competitive sports journey. And to that I applaud her for not just doing what her parents and brothers did by playing in college. But for digging deep and thinking about what SHE really wants in this next phase of her life.
It’s a journey of wayfinding for us all. Keep checking in. Keep listening more than you’re speaking with your child. And keep allowing for the path to shift, change and grow. That’s what the journey is all about.
“Enjoy the ride. It doesn’t get any better than this.” - Tom Schimke, M.D.,J.D. (aka Dad)
I LOVE you, Dad. Thank you for always believing in me. You’ve been gone for over five years now, but I still feel you every day. And thank you, Uncle David, (my dad’s younger brother), for re-sharing the family story with me again on the phone and fact checking my work. :-) I love you and am inspired by you daily.
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Thank you to everyone who attended the Daily Rituals workshop! There have been so many amazing takeaways each week and we hope everyone is beginning to see the differences in their life.
Are you someone who needs help with reaching your goals? Join us for next Tuesday’s workshop “Addition by Subtraction”, Kirsten will be discussing PURGING, how this habit can benefit your life and will take us through a guided exercise on how to edit to grow.
It’s not too late to join!
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Where’s KJ?
Did you love these stories and clips? Listen to my full podcast with my 23-yr old son, Caelan.
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Upcoming Events in 2024:
Mindset Mastery Workshop via ZOOM, 4/29/24 @ 6pm PST
Dragon Touchdown Club, 5/6/24, Dallas, TX
KPAX Sports Awards, 5/15/24, Missoula, MT
Living Spaces Women4Women Event, 6/5/24, via ZOOM
Glenbard Parent Series, 8/1/24, Chicago, IL via ZOOM
Nazareth Academy, 10/15/24, La Grange Park, IL via ZOOM
Lastly, a shoutout for women supporting women. This is a great podcast!
Let’s do this!
Xxx Kir
P.S. You’re amazing. We should talk.