Should I let my kid quit?
This is a question I get asked often!
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I feel like Susie and I talk about this all the time on the #Raising Athletes podcast and I had 2 parents reach out this week via my website.
My HS freshman is staying basketball is not fun anymore and he is heavily debating quitting. This is hard for me, as I see his talent and love watching him play. I just need motivation to keep my mouth shut and let him figure it out. Or be told when I can push him a little. I really just want to refuse to let him quit.
My daughter is 14. Currently she competes competitively for gymnastics and also plays softball for a travel/club team. She wants to play ball in college. As of right now she is juggling both sports and school. She has come to the point where she thinks she needs to pick one or the other and she is struggling, terribly. She knows that gymnastics will have to go but the struggle lies in that she been doing it since she was 4. She feels like she did it for all for nothing. Having trouble guiding her. I am encouraging her to continue both and just not compete gymnastics but still go to the gym for work outs, thinking that might help her ease out. Just so hard to watch her struggle. She’s so young :(
FROM MATT MCGONIGLE - Former D1 Soccer Player and current TEAM KJ
Quitting vs. Pivoting
Youth sports teach kids loads of skills and lessons that they carry with them forever. One lesson that shows up for me all the time is the idea of never quitting. I refuse to give up in hard situations and especially when people are reliant on me to pull through. I never stopped running for my team and I never walk away from a hardship. Sports taught me a level of resilience that nothing else could have. With that being said, there is a difference between quitting and pivoting. In the spirit of Mother’s Day, I have to shout out my mom for teaching me this!
Quitting means you didn’t give it your best shot. Quitting is walking away from something without leaving every stone unturned and leaving people hanging. Pivoting is seeking a new path. It is important to recognize the difference because this is one of the best lessons I ever learned. Pivoting is done for the right reasons, not because it gets hard or because there is a challenge, but because you are no longer finding the joy in the challenge.
Pay attention to why you or your child may feel a desire to quit. Think about what is making the situation unpleasant. Is it because they are no longer starting? Is it tied into playing time? Or is it because you no longer enjoy training and don’t have a smile on your face seeing your teammates? Quitting means to give up even if it will bring you joy in the long run, pivoting is a reaction move to seek greater joy your life.
Thanks Matt! So great to hear from a recent student athlete and hear your perspective (and how powerful reframing the conversation from quitting to pivoting can be!). And something I always say during these hard choices, is lean into your family values. We always believed you finish what you started so (if it’s not a health emergency), quit at the end of the season and never during the season. But, as a family, walk through what it will look like if they pivot. Talk through the stuff that may replace the lost hours as they pivot. You are there to help them think through and talk through the decision, not solve it for them. And, most of all, let them know you will show up for whatever decision they make!
My friend Asia Mape wrote a great blog about going through this with her oldest daughter, Piper. Please read about it here.
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P.S. You’re amazing. We should talk.